Sunday, June 27, 2010

What to do when you see your friends, family members or partner getting out of shape? - ARTICLE

I know... Frustrating, right?

Well, it doesn't have to be that way.

To reach that place where you can relax no matter what other people do, look at life from another place.

Realize that what is important to you might not be important to others.

What happens when you try to force something on others?

They rebel, right?

They defend their freedom to choose what they want.

Guess what?

They are right!

It's their life not yours!

You can't take responsibility for other people's choices!

If you look at your own life, you will see dozens of small or big things that could be fixed or changed.

I agree, you might be in good shape but your finances could be in a mess.

Or you are single and can't find a partner.

Or your business venture is collapsing.

My point is that trying to control what is not yours, someone else's body, mind and choices is pointless.

You were never given the right to do so.

So, what happens if you are into healthy living and they are not?

Well, eventually you spend less time with them and tend to refresh your social circle.

It happens naturally.

Even with a partner for instance. You might split because these key life choices don't match.

It happens all the time!

Suppose that you are into hiking and your best friend is not?

See?

You either give up hiking, try to convince your best friend to join you or simply find people who have the same interests as you.

I believe that people often spend way too much time worrying about other people's choices and not enough about their own life.

I see this ALL the time when I coach.

I see people getting frustrating because of trying hard to positively influence others without getting results.

If you are trapped in that pattern, you need to do just one thing:

LET GO!

LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE!

It is REALLY that simple!

It doesn't mean that you don't try, ok?

You do try but lower your expectations.

For instance if you sign up at a gym and know that a good friend could benefit from it, give them a call, tell them it would be fun to do that together and LET IT GO!

If they don't say yes the first time, you can mention it again a few weeks later VERY CASUALLY!

No pressure!

Set them free.

What if you see them destroying their health through wrong life choices?

The best way to go is to tell them that you are not here to tell them what to do but if they are open for it, you'll be happy to help them shift negative habits.

I can warn you already!

When you engage your energy in trying to help someone like a good friend, it can quickly become VERY frustrating if you see no results.

So again, my advice is: look at your own life and ask yourself:

"Is there anything that needs attention in my own life"

The second question you can ask yourself is:

"What will be more fruitful? Me spending weeks trying to help that person with zero guarantees and little results? Or me investing this exact energy and solve whatever needs to be fixed in my own life?"

You know the answer, right?

You have way more control over your own life than over someone else's!

There is an exception to that:

It is if you are a parent or are responsible for someone else's well being or education.

You can for instance be a professional working in the wellness field.

Or you are a parent and need to teach your kids positive life style choices.

Yes! There are many situations in which you can positively influence someone else's life.

However the best way to influence is often by leading the way through example.

That's often all which is needed.